Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Randomize
