dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
