oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
