When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
