his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
