This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
