you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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