On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Randomize
