Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Randomize
