im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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