tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
