o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Randomize
