I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize