my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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