but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
