i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
