Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
What a dumb baby whore.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Randomize
