i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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