Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
