I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Randomize
