maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Randomize
