just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
