Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize