he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
