Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
