When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
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