Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize
