I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
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