i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
I can't turn off my feet"
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Randomize
