I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
