I showed him my bush... on skype.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
