I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
