I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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