toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Randomize
