11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
