My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
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