My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Randomize