you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
Randomize
