He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
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