sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
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