Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
