Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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