She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Randomize
