I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize
