Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Randomize
