Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
