the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Randomize
