You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Panties = found
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
