this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
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