New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I touched a dick in church today
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
