Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
