I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
