in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Randomize
