Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
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