Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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