So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
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