I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize
