fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
