I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
He keeps bees of course he's weird
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
