Sry I called you an 8
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
