I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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