he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
