don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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