At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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