i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
where are my pants?
in the oven.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize