I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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