I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
She told me I should be a condom model.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Randomize
