really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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