Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
there was a trapeze. enough said
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
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