my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
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