Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
