I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
