A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
