Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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