the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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