I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
