I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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