Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
