; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize