You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
