Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
im calling her cock vulture from now on
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
