he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
