Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
