who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Randomize
