people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize