woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
