There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
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