I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
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