I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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