Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
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