It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
