i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Randomize
