I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
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