Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
My liver is preforming stress tests.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Randomize
