Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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