Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
It's shark week go big or go home
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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