Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
