I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
