I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
