Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
this hospital has no fireball
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Randomize
