In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
