I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
are you so shy because you have an std?
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
