My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
