Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
